After thoughts...

... I had a date on Valentine's Day and it was great. Cj and I went to dinner and had some Thai Food (YUMMM...) and a bottle of red wine. I'm learning more and more about him everyday and I really like what I'm finding out. He's a good guy, very genuine and very much like me. Kinda scary to meet someone who's very much like me. It's like looking infront of the mirror. I opened up to him about my feelings and what I am going through right now and he responded in a positive way which made me happy. It really is very hard for me to open up to someone and just let everything lay out there in the open, but this year I promised myself to not be afraid anymore and just be as open to everybody and to everything as possible. Vulnerability for me is indeed very frightening and I have guarded myself in the past so I won't risk being burned. But in reality, nothing can really prevent someone from being burned, trust me I know because I have been burned before. And everytime it happens, I run away and escape someplace where no one knows me, but I am tired of running. I almost packed my stuff to move to San Francisco last February, but for some reason, I stopped myself and stayed in San Diego. I'm glad I didn't leave because I wouldn't have met Cj if I had pack-up and left!!! He told me the same thing...

... i guess things happen for a reason. I still feel lonely once in awhile, especially when I'm all alone and there's nothing to do. But I guess everyone gets that way once in awhile. I'm just really glad I have a few friends who are there to help me out and making sure I am ok. I think the hardest part is living with someone for the longest time (6 years) and then one day you wake-up and there's no one there right next to you. You're sleeping in a different room, on a different bed, with nothing but blankets and comforters to keep you warm at night... but wait, I'm supposed to be talking about Valentine's Day, hehehe... my ADD is acting up again, but anyhow, lol...

... Valentine's Day was great, it was chill, and yet I had fun. Valentine's is probably the least favorite among the holidays, and probably the least among the singles out there as well. Alot of my friends we're really wiggin' the fact that they don't have any dates nor boyfriends/girlfriends to go out with, and I just don't understand that. I'd be more worried about not having a date on New Year's Eve... lol... I am tired, have to hit the sack... and my mind is drawing blank...

Blur...

... it's sunday, and i'm at home just chillaxin' with my dogs and watching the movie "Step-Up." This weekend has been a total blur, but it's all good, I had alot of fun, especially last friday nite. It's been awhile since I've had a great time like that. I hung out with my buddies and it was great. Funny thing is, all of us (Jeff, Adam, Brad, and I) all broke-up with our relationships all at the same time. Actually it was the same week, how funny is that...?? Well, not that funny, but it just amusing to me :) This weekend, Cj also came and met up with us, and he met my friends for the first time... Just like myself, all my buddies are pretty laid-back, chill, easy-going, crazy-adventure loving guys that's why I wasn't really worried about introducing him to them. I've been hanging out alot with Cj and quite frankly, i really find him very intriguing. He's very passionate about alot of things and I love talking to him. He's very open about his feelings and with what's going on in his head. He doesn't internalize things and makes everybody around him so much comfortable. My friends all liked him, and I'm really glad for that....

Friends nowadays seem to be so hard to find, well, true friends that is. Especially gay friends. They initially tell you, yah I'm looking for friends as well, and then later on, they come on to you wanting more than friendship. I mean, I am not opposed to that, I know feelings tend to grow and get stronger, but with me, I rarely see my friends as "dating prospects." Alot of people would disagree with me, but sometimes, i know so much about my friends that it kinda scares me to have more than just friendship with them, yah know what I mean? or maybe I'm just over-thinking it... hmmm....

Decisions... Decisions...

... ok I lied on my last post! 2007 is starting off roughly for me... I have this huge and life changing decision that I need to figure out SOON! It's been tearing me apart and I need to figure out what I have to do before it gets any more complicated... I know this is a bit vague, but I will spill more about it after it's been done... It just sucks because I really need to talk to someone about things but I don't know who to turn to... I have alot of friends who care, but I know I have to be the one to decide on this, and whatever happens I don't wanna regret anything. Alot is at stake and I can lose everything but if this goes through in a positive way, HAPPINESS is what awaits!!!

...Aarggghhhh, this sucks so bad, but I gotta do what I gotta do!!!

this is weird, but January is halfway through and I can't believe February is just around the corner. If you guys didn't know, I got injured last August '06, and haven't been working since. I've been at home most of the time reccuperating, and quite frankly, I am bored out of my mind doing nothing and waiting to get back to work... I am better now though, and just been waiting for my doctor to clear me out of my injury so I can get back to workin'... I'm kinda worried because I don't know if I've forgotten how to do my job, hah hah, but really, I just wanna go back to work... thus far, all I do at home is wake-up, watch DVD's, play video games, play with my dogs, and go do my cardio at the gym, yah exciting huh!!! Can you guys tell, there's not much excitement going on in my life right now? Yah, an injury does that to you, lol... but oh well, I'm still keeping a positive attitude, trying to keep myself busy... The good thing about having all these time in my hands is that I get to do alot of thinking, contemplating about things... I also got to explore more of the music that I love and got back to singing again. It's been awhile since I heard myself sing, and I've forgotten how much fun it is... I also got to travel a bit and made some fantastic friends... So far, I think 2007 is off to a great start...

Shaved Head...

Ok, it's a New Year and of course, just like what JP (my stylist) say, the "always evolving look" of Burnz has changed from a faux-hawk to my favorite shaved head... this photo was taken by one of the Best Photographers in LA, Tim Ricks, I think I'm gonna keep this shaved head for long! Low-maintenance, no shampoo needed, wake-up the next day and brush my teeth look, hehehee... yah my laziness coming back again!

Hope everyone started their new year with a blast... mine was pretty mellow but so far so good...

ciao~

Underwear Fashion Show...

The AsianMenREDefined Models during the Winter Underwear Fashion Show, held at the ROE Club in San Francisco. Top row from left: HAO, HERMAN, BK, VU, ANDREW. Bottom Row fromm Left: DON, BURNZ, DREW, JAE & ANDREW...


... cocktails during the pre-show! From Left: HERMAN, JAE, BURNZ, & DREW... Jae is the ONLY straight guy among the pack, but still he's down to partying it up like a gay-boy, yeah... :)


... The MODELS along with the Crew and the Photographer DannyDan (Yellow Shirt/Bottom Left w/ his hubby and underwear designer HIRO). If ever you guys are in SF next month, january 21st, 2007 (WOW is it really 2007 already?) do come and join us for a fun-filled T-Dance at the ROE Club...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE...

Christmas Time...

First off, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! This is one time of the year where my family really gets together and act as a family! I look forward to this day every year because I barely see my niece and my nephew and every Christmas, I get to see them open presents, with lots of joy on their faces. I must admit, I
I've always wondered how it feels like to have my own kids, but for now, I think my niece and my nephew are who I consider "My Babies" until I have my own, when that will be is still uncertain.
... besides that, I really am not a big fan of the holiday season. I dunno why, but there's this certain feeling I get same time every year. And it isn't good... I know for fact that my whole family's not gonna be here forever and I always ask myself "what happens then?" It is somewhat depressing, but it is a reality I have to face and hopefully when that time comes, I will be ready and there's atleast someone in my life who will keep me safe and happy...

... after the pageant, i have been keeping myself busy with alot of things... been very lucky to still get modelling gigs, and have photographers still interested in booking me for various projects... so eventhough I didn't win, I think the pageant was a very good exposure to show my face out there and that was actually what I had in mind initially and I'm very thankful that it turned out that way...

anyhow, next up is New Year's Party, which I don't think I'll be a part of this year because I might be on-duty at the hospital, but crossing my fingers that I'm not gonna have to work that day... noetheless, I wish everybody the best for 2007 and hope that 2006 has been good to you guys as it did to me... Be well, stay safe, and all the blessings to each of you my friends, family and loved ones...